Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in my kitchen in London with Mr. Chris Corcoran.

Somebody's suggested a ... a ... a feature here already __ __ coming on __ email, ... rhod / gilbert / bbc.co.uk. That's my name and email. Uh ... this is from Adam Pickles. / Good name. / It is a good name, isn't it? I quite enjoy __ __ / even if his email is ont very good, that's a great name. That's added value / name / Adam Pickles. Uh ... / it's a good name / have a go on it / Huh ... how did ... uh ... Adam Pickles / huh, lovely name. / All right, Adam Pickles? / nice / it's good / it is good / hey / there's Adam Pickles / ... Wouldn't it be awful if Adam Pickles was ... well, I can't say on air what I was going to say. / What? / Well ... if he wasn't very nice ... / __ ... oh yeah. / Oh boy, look who it is. It's Adam Pickles / oh, god / it's still quite funny / Pickles' here / __ can't be. He must be nice / don't / behind us / funny / name does impact on you, doesn't it? / Yeah. / Adam Pickles ... you can't be upset about the arrival of / let down / lads / here / Pickles must be nice, mustn't he? / Oh, boy ... / anybody called Adam Pickles ... / "Who's here?" "Pickles." "Ohgg, god. Not Pickles." / do you see what I mean? / who was it? Pickles / something bad / it's Pickles, I bet / hey, boys, where's my wallet? / can I tell you / where has Pickles gone? / I've no idea whether this is __ entertaining radio __ people at home, but what I do know is that I've entirely lost the meaning of the word "Pickles" now. It's gone / just / said __ too much / well / just enjoy the sound. / He's ... he's got a feature idea. / Oh yeah. That's why you started __ / Yeah. ... His feature idea's, / Rhod, is it possible for somebody with a great name like mine to / not / no, it's not / that would be good / Wouldn't that be good? / great name like Adam Pickles / actually / not a very nice person / nobody wants to see / please get in touch. rhodgilbert@ bbc.co.uk / no / not what Adam Pickles says / Oh, no. Can we have that one 'cause, I think, ... I ... I would / a guess / is not possible not to be a nice person with the name Pickles / I think / name / Adam Pickles / nice person / just / form you nicely / I agree. / It would form you nicely. / I agree, absolutely, yeah / you go through life with, uh ... I imagine Adam Pickles walks / a bit of a spring in __ step. / Absolutely. He wakes every morning and goes, "Uh ... oh, hang on a minute, I'm Adam Pickles / it's me. Adam Pickles. / looks in __ mirror / Adam Pickles / look a bit / on the flip side, I am Adam Pickles. / I bet he catches / sight of himself, walking past a shop window / feel a bit down / looks / goes, "Huh, hello, Pickles. That gives me a little lift.

I think / reading your, uh, email, Adam Pickles. We did think you've, uh, suggested a feature here / we thought / one feature / kick off / jot this down, Korkey / be / our first feature should be / do you know anyone / jauntier name ... a chirpier name than "Adam Pickles" / anyone / more of a spring in your step / Adam Pickles / nice / only spread __ love / exactly. Yeah. ... Adam Pickles' feature idea is / what strange item / turned up in your garden that isn't yours? / Uh ... mine was a garden gnome from a hourse five streets away / I've no idea how / there / keep it / I imagine ... sounds / really / like / put it in your garden / can / keep / I'll tell you / the strangest thing / recently, two weeks ago ... I don't know why I didn't mention / on air / for some reason / ... uh ... / dead squirrel / really / out / really freaked the dog out / dog / we were walking / Hyde Park / K__ Garden / central London parks, right? ... you know, / all dogs there / all dog owners spend most / time / chasing squirrels / dog / they know the perils / taking / dog / park / hard to / squirrels / know__ the deal / it's all fine? / it's all fair / time immemorial / squirrels. ... Anyway, my dog / won't go near them / Right. / won't go near them because, one morning / left / little flat / took / her / to go to the toilet / in the garden / one / ran around the corner / backyard / toilet, and then froze ... and just froze to the spot / in front of her, about two yards in front of her, was a dead, stiff as a board, __ __, / Yeah? / ex-squirrel, just lying there. It really freaked me out. I wasn't sure if / poked it with stick a stick? / 棒でツンツンした？ / I thought / this is ... it's upside down, right, it's upside down with its ... / you know / hands / face / on the nuts / hands / like that / somebody / a nut / off him / maybe that's what happened / it wouldn't have died / maybe / mugged / took it / and / killed him / somebody / maybe another squirrel / he should have hidden it better / supposed to be / expert / little hands were like that / big bushy tail / perfect condition. Perfect condition. / yeah / Beau ... I examined him. Beautiful ... / I was / I sort of ... I sort of ... you know, / most absurd thing / it's a patio. It's a patio. It's paved / completely paved patio bit. He was lying flat on his back / I prodded him with a stick / yes / I genuinely thought he might be hibernating. / What? / I thought / he / picked a bad spot there / what would they look like when they're hibernating? / like (dormice) / little nest / not / imaginery nut on the patio / I might prod him / in the middle of / deep hibernat__ry sleep, I thought / he was lucky you checked / もしそうなら、君がそのリスを死んだと決めつけないでチェックしたことは、リスにとってはラッキーだったね。 / dog wouldn't go / near / kinda sniff / now she / only dog in the park / non-squirrel-chaser / so they call her. / 今では「リス追わず犬」として有名になった。 / Really? Is that the reputation? / because / very little / UK / dead squirrel / garden / a lot from America / no / lot / America / god / you are joking me / everything / loads of people / dead / loads / America / say about / I put in / what to do with dead squirrels in the garden / well, bury it. What are you on about? / dead squirrel in my garden / wait / you just bury it / squirrel / how would you know / cause I'm not insane / such an obvious thing to do with a dead squirrel / you pay last respect / be curious / how the squirrel died / how __ you gonna find out? / loads of things / dead squirrel / garden / what to do / how did the squirrel die? / lack of oxygen / brain / 脳に供給される酸素が減ったからだよ。生き物は皆それで死ぬんだ。 / bullet holes / check / there was nothing / shot / we have had / this is such a statement of obvious / isn't it / didn't / I was so shocked / the phrase / such an obvious thing / you wouldn't see / bullet hole in it / that is / no / obviously / he was lying on his back / he could have been shot in the back / Oh. It might have been a mafia job. / exactly / yeah / also / might have been a fox / could have been a p__ / gun / looking / looking for __ holes ... then ... then I thought ... we also / down / that's another story / one / tell / oh my word / rat / not / not / as a full sitcom in the ... in the rat story. / Right. / Anyway, so, we / rat / some rat bloke, uh ... / anyway / rat poison / 'cause / that makes sense / maybe / with a little bit / rat poison / too small / designed / get in / they're squirrel-proof / what do they look like? / What? Squirrels? / like rat with a long ... / rat traps / black things with a hole / rat goes in / Right. ... Well, rats are quite big / sure / no / not as big as / squirrel-proof / they told me. / proof / you don't need that / rabbit-proof / rabbit / take __ word for it / can I ask / what ... what ... what was it ... / ask / fire away / what was it that you were supposed to be be doing that day when you spent all that time / pair of gloves / going through / dead squirrel / throw / bin / clean the y__ / power-hose it, which I did / Huh, OK. / anyway / next / to finish this story / bullet holes / get in there ... um ... and then ... / on the internet / probably / l've no idea how / up / show / no trees up there / there'__ no trees up there? / just / fell from a plane or something / I've no idea how __ got there / part of me / mention / part of me thought, "Is this like a kind of ... maybe this is / sort / version / dead squirrel / a message / The thing is ... the thing is, / send me a message, it's pointless 'cause the whole thing / cut off his favorite race horse's head, and he loved that race horse, and now the race horse is dead / that squirrel meant nothing to me. / whoever did that, you are barking up the wrong tree

Jonathan __ / says / I work with a called / Panzy P__ / nice one / more upbeat / name / more of a spring in __ step than Adam Pickles ... who contacted the show earlier / I know / Tony Tidy / sounds like / should present / kids' TV / kids' TV / get in touch / sounds good / better / good one / someone called Justine Sunshine / loser, from / no / Adam Pickles / Brian / says / I don't know how / the reason / we said / wouldn't it be weird if Adam Pickles wasn't / nice person / nobody / oh, god, here comes Adam Pickles / couldn't / he wouldn't be a man who's feared. / He could never be a man ... he could never / dictatorial, feared / leader / I / go through names of feared leaders / genocidal maniacs from the past / couldn't have been / change / Adam Pickles / Genghis Khan's name / changes his name / Adam Pickles / he wouldn't have had / half / empire / actually / get. / もしチンギス・ハーンの名前がアダム・ピクルスだったら / dear, dear ... Brian / know / how / guy / called Mike Cuddles / that's better / that's good / be great to be called Mike ... / now, he definitely couldn't be a ... / no way / feared leader / genicidal maniac

half / car bumper and 3-wheel barrows / previously / why would you need ... / interesting / 3-wheel barrow / if / having / house renovations done / yeah / loaded / tip / another one / get the job done faster / I suppose so, yeah. / pure logic / previous owner obviously forgot / lost them / Mike Carr / all right / I still don't think / beats / dead / holding __ invisible nut__ / good one / Neil in Cardiff might top my dead sqirrel / wow / if it was in top of your / it's very odd / finding a dead squirrel / very unsettling, finding / ice-cold dead / back / very / very odd finding a dead squirrel / yeah / shook me up, honestly / and this is true / think about this, I was frightened. / What of ? / I don't know. / Wow. ... is it just being ... / I don't know. But I was genuinely / think about this / frightened / and I was freaking out a bit / yeah / I was scared. / Maybe it / I don't know what of / touch of mortality / more scared / looked online / I was looking online / said / first of all / bullet / riddled with bullets / no / then I checked / see / any ... any froth / mouth / poison / clean as a whistle / Really? / Yeah / little teeth / cute little front teeth / close / good teeth / lovely teeth. Uh ... then ... he did look like Jimmy Carr. ... And then / yeah, it is ... lovely teeth / but then / other / things / bullet holes / on / I checked / bullet holes. None. / air gun p__s / another look around / OK / again / oh, dear / Go on. Take it. Take it. Take it ... let it out. ... Don't / radio / with that / Sony Award? Is that the Sony Award on the line? / look like? / like a squirrel / did that deliberatly / took his temperature / I checked on his mouth / saliva / any frossing / poison / internet / do you know how / could have died / fallen out of a tree / injury / trauma / check / trauma / legs / stuff like that / bite marks / any sign / cat / or a fox, possibly / internet / nothing. And then / checked for / trees / on / internet, it said / died of / plague / Really? / how old is this squirrel? / I'll tell you what, Neil in Cardiff may have topped my dead squirrel with the plague, though / found / equally dead / with an equally dead mouse in his mouth / no more, no less / dead / equally dead / that ... that would freak you out / that would freak ... / if you / backyard / that would stop / you / track / or maybe / spot the mouse first / Hang on, / seagull as well / おや、これは ... ネズミだ。ネズミの死骸だ。おや？ それをくわえているのは ... カモメの死骸じゃないか。

What we have got / I said / happen / you never know / new / people just drop in / Guess who's just dropped in. / nothing / Incredible. / pop / always / your / we can't hear you __ __ get you on __ microphone / I think / I think / you are taking / got __ microphone / yeah / Greg, guess who / so / dropped in / you said / come round / you know / house party / when / at the door / pre-recorded / knew / guest / in advance / just by chance / producer / heads up / crazy back in __ day / show / let me tell you / on Radio Wales / you, pal / oh, god / you are __, mate / do you know what? You have been the only guest so far, admittedly / exactly. I knew it / popped in / someone / invited two hours ago / look / who's gonna drop / somebody / from now on / somebody / admittedly / two guests / both / actually / three others / one / postman / during __ song / two / survey. / you / how are you / having / bad mood for two days. / I have? / how many radio shows do you get with __ host or __ presenter / guest / just in a bad mood / but you never admit it / I am / that's the point / admit / as I said / never / bad mood, mate / big show / down today / bad / did, in a way / good mood for 30 years / he deserves / He's a pro. That's __ __ __ __ he's a pro / he turns on / whatever / gets on that mic / he turns on / happy mood / you arrived / bad mood for two days / said / do you now what happened? I was in / new / I'm gonna give you a little left in a minute. I'll tell you about it / new jeans / for the first time this morning / pair of jeans / before / so / same / repeat / time / 試着せずに買ったの。 / my mind / other / 以前買ったやつとまったく同じだと思ったから。 / on now / I think / hour / see it / but you know, I think / bum section / ケツの部分が前に付いているんだ。 / apologies / Radio Wales / Greg / oh, god / is it that sensitive? / foul / unbelievable / stop saying it / Listen, mate. The ... the headline / Monday / foul-mouthed / three-letter tirade / bad mood comedian / what Greg Davies means / section of the jeans / meant to be / appear / front / trousers / front / front / what can I call that? / you can call that your ... / biological ... biological filth on Radio Wales / you can call / action / man / my inverse action man / yeah / all right / uncomfortable / What? ... Oh yeah. / too much support / are you sure / back / front / definitely / ok / sure / badly / dear / let's have a look / factory / bad mood / OK / here / cheer you up / got a feature / guy / his name was Adam Pickles. And it cheered us up / lift / we have thrown / feature / anybody / do you know anybody with / we are not looking for those ... you know ... / wacky names / wacky names / called / not / interested / anyway, the fact / funny / Oh no. OK. Sorry. / I've tried to explain / occasions / I wonder / contact / the show / Um ... anyway, / looking / we are looking for / names that give you a little lift / so far / Mike Cuddles / Yeah, that's lovely / Pickles / at the moment / working on / BBC Berkshire / Mike Cuddles / right across B__ ... strapping / Hi Rhod ... / This is a good one. This / get in / worse / mood / 憂鬱な気分に戻ってくれ。 / hang on / let me just remember ... just how little / supporter / ちょっと待ってくれ。思い出すから。 / put / back of / dark place / 憂鬱な気分になったか？ よし。/ place / OK / cheer / dark place / who lived __ Sandwich Street. / little lift? / given you a little lift / room / back / your pants

this / Davis family / generation / E__ James is back, more heroic than ever / so / cyber cafe / affordable / ruined my life / It's Welsh history in the making / Roman ivasions / occupation. / terribly / central heating / it seems that every Welsh man is pathologically / turning it on / no / limit / they / put on / E__ James, Pantheon of heros / Friday / 6:30 on BBC Radio Wales / awesome / Welsh

garden / ok / really / bullet holes / nothing / shook / that's the point / you're frigntened / why / freeked me out / squirrels die, mate. Facts of life. / I know / thing / bullet holes / for trauma / anything / through / shot / air rifle / no poison / nothing on his mouth / froth or / mouth / hands were holding / you know, like / kind / imaginery / nut / I'm piecing all th__ together like / squirrel Columbo / mate / and then / when / Korkey was quite right / initial guess / bag him or bury him / I would never have / would / have / suspend / stand / procedure / warning to other squirrels / or mummify / say / just / natural causes / and somebody else / live squirrels / up to 3,000 years old / I just / that was the other thing / might have died / plague / but, the point is, it was just on the patio / yeah / you can't just die / only place / safe / surely you wouldn't / probably died / mid-air / fell / patio / yeah, but ... / must / case / making a leap / approximately 30 meters / it must ... it must have been that / it's about 30 meters __ __ __ from one place to another place / squirrel / have / comfortably. / have you, really? / landed perfectly / yeah, yeah / look ... look back at the ... / leap you've just made / very / I realize / squirrels / forever / I'm sorry, kids, but this is an important / Happy Christmas, kids. / play a track / kids has to learn / coming on Christmas Eve / squirrels die / war is over / kids ... young kid ... kids have to learn __ cycle of life / Lion King / listen to me saying things like squirrels / forever / I / make / feel a bit better / not / squirrel / lobsters / Yeah? Live forever? / they ... they / people / even scientists / live for ... for years / about 150 years / do know how long / I / but / I was told recently by hugely unreliable source that no one knows how long / lobster / live / what / that is that parents of those scientists / 研究員の親が、夜中にこっそり ... / replace / not telling them / the whole scientific community / get / difference / compiling / research / research / because you / bedroom / they could / have / break his heart / that is what's happening / Lobsters don't live any longer than any other / somebody / 'll never notice.

Have I ever told you / about / bread gate / my parents' house / no, I don't think you have / remember / keep it light / in the country / every morning, about seven o'clock in the morning, someone was throwing out / whole / bread / on my lawn / have I told you this? / No. / it went on for weeks and weeks / some / every other day / whole sliced loaf / confused ... confused paper boy / no, no / see what you / make of this / OK. / my / end / I can't bear this / I'm gonna get up at five o'clock in the morning / do / and find out / yeah / so, he hid in the garden / he put a warm coat on / deck chair, wainting. And, sure enough / I'm not making any of this up / lawn, and he saw / two figures / disappearing / so, he ran down the field / gate there, and he / waited for / people to arrive / very old couple / arm / hello / and / they just looked at him / um ... sorry, do you ... don't you know anything about this / whole / my lawn / woman / couple / said to her husband / don't talk / in, George / stopped. / ... No. / story / to end / absolutely true. / Really / don't know / what the motivation was / no / don't talk / never __ __ again. / that's the weirdest story / expected that / it is / that story. I like / resolution / better / whole squirrel thing / open-ended / stuff / resolution / sound / story / ending like that / explanation / delighted / couple / never seen again / that's really really weird / mother ship / did they ... did your parents eat the bread, though, every day? / my / don't / they also wear clothes / eating / I didn't ... I didn't mean / hands / knees / waste not, want not / talking / look at it / Why? / Well, because / free bread / God, what sort of childhood did you have? / I think I'd bring it in / tatoo / not / I'm not saying / hands and knees / lawn / anyone in the world / who / waste not, want not / bring it in / my friend /

If you enjoyed that one, why not listen to the whole show? / live / BBC Radio Wales / 11 till 1.

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